haha *no-humor-laugh*
i just remembered last summer i went on a trip down to where i used to live as a kid though there are a lot of sad memories mostly sad memories i guess i too have happy memories of being there
i met an old friend or we became like best friends after i changed back too that school after being massively bullied and having a mental breakdown
which when i look back at things is odd cause i was kinda extremely the extreme freak after that lol
Linda was her name
we did a lot 4th grade and all lol
she was the one that made me watch her dads porn vids
she was the one that tried too hook me up with my first crush and i guess she kinda managed that too *laughs*
looking back i hope i didn't damage the guy too much
but i probably hurt his guy ego a lot
there are things like that i guess kept me alive those horrid 4 years and still keeps me going for the years after
i really wish i could tell her "thank you" cause i really am grateful to her
but i can't say that it's the same as i never say it to Mika
i just make up for it every Xmas with some awesome present
i am to full of pride and-what-not-shit to say it
i honestly don't remember much of my years before 5th grade
only in those depressed days or the days before i get to that stage i do remember and at that point i remember everything
i wonder why it have to be that way?
maybe so that one sweet day i get low enough and that i finally can find that courage to end it all? all of it all my misery will certainly go
but those happy moments they keep me from it i just wonder "how long they will do it for me?"
and that makes me afraid in one way "i don't want those around me to be sad caused by me" i most certainly am loved
and relived in another "i won't have to bear this pain anymore"
i honestly understand why i should be hospilized but i don't feel like it's serius
enough so that i need it
after all it's only myself i will hurt physically that is
but i guess advice to my self and for those of us like me is cling to those happy days cause your life depends upon it!
yes
like this
from low down kirin
Tags: Personal
