Title: the happy days
Tags: personal
Blog Entry: [hr]haha *no-humor-laugh*[br][hr] [br] i just remembered last summer i went on a trip down to where i used to live as a kid though there are a lot of sad memories mostly sad memories i guess i too have happy memories of being there [br] i met an old friend or we became like best friends after i changed back too that school after being massively bullied and having a mental breakdown [br] which when i look back at things is odd cause i was kinda extremely the extreme freak after that lol[br] [br] Linda was her name [br] we did a lot 4th grade and all lol[br] she was the one that made me watch her dads porn vids [br] she was the one that tried too hook me up with my first crush and i guess she kinda managed that too *laughs* [br] looking back i hope i didn't damage the guy too much [br] but i probably hurt his guy ego a lot [br] [br] there are things like that i guess kept me alive those horrid 4 years and still keeps me going for the years after [br] i really wish i could tell her "thank you" cause i really am grateful to her [br] but i can't say that it's the same as i never say it to Mika [br] i just make up for it every Xmas with some awesome present[br] i am to full of pride and-what-not-shit to say it [br] i honestly don't remember much of my years before 5th grade [br] only in those depressed days or the days before i get to that stage i do remember and at that point i remember everything [br] i wonder why it have to be that way?[br] maybe so that one sweet day i get low enough and that i finally can find that courage to end it all? all of it all my misery will certainly go [br] but those happy moments they keep me from it i just wonder "how long they will do it for me?"[br] and that makes me afraid in one way "i don't want those around me to be sad caused by me" i most certainly am loved [br] and relived in another "i won't have to bear this pain anymore"[br] [br] i honestly understand why i should be hospilized but i don't feel like it's serius [br]enough so that i need it [br] after all it's only myself i will hurt physically that is [br] [br][hr] but i guess advice to my self and for those of us like me is cling to those happy days cause your life depends upon it![hr] [br] [br] yes[br] like this [br] [br] from low down kirin[br] [br] [br]
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